Is Everything About to Change?

He’s moving in two days. Ready to write a new chapter in his life.

He told me he’s pretty excited, and so he should be. Moving to a beautiful apartment in a beautiful city, to join the rat race, and to generally be amazing. I’m sure he’s counting down to it, whilst I’m dreading it a little more the closer it gets.

Of course, I am happy for M. Genuinely. To be able to live in such a place, with what sounds like a bloody good job (I’m not sure I understand his job description, and he’s modest. I suppose that’s a character strength of his). I care because it matters to him, I ask the right questions and show the right amount of enthusiasm. Not because I feel I have to, but because I want to.

I should be happier, because this is great for him. Fucking great in fact. He’s also moving closer to me than he currently is – not for me, but it’s a bonus of course. Why can’t I be happier for him?

Because right now, things have been pretty damn great. That kind of great that makes me smile randomly throughout the day, and all that sickening crap. His compliments are rare (just the way I like it), his humour is plentiful, and we exchange witty quips. So perhaps it’s my mind giving voice to the lemons that make me overthink everything.

I’m not sure what to expect in the next chapter, and it worries me a bit, this uncertainty. On the most part I like to know what I’m doing and when I’m doing it. But I don’t know with this. We aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, he isn’t sure what he wants and to be honest, I’ve been wondering if I even want a relationship right now. But the thing with M is that it’s taken us this long to get to where we are, and I wonder if this new chapter is going to change everything for us. Have we taken two steps forward just to take one step back? Will he still be interested in me? Will he even have any time for me?

There’s no point worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet. To take each day as it comes, to see the glass half-full, because positivity attracts positivity.

The law of attraction, please do your thing.

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