Please Be Gentle, I’m Hurting

Be direct with what you want to say, this is the month of endings and new beginnings. I don’t normally look at my Horoscope, but I’ve been feeling lost with what to do with the M situation that I looked to somewhere else for guidance.

We’ve been here before, but I suppose it all started again when he moved his life to another city. He likes to do this thing where he never commits to seeing me – we decide to do something, and then days before he goes silent, without a proper plan in place. It’s all too easy for him. He knows he has no intention of committing so he makes other plans, whilst I’m left hanging high and dry. He’s selfish like that. And this is him explicitly telling me to visit, and that he wants to spend more time with me.

Be direct with what you want to say, this is the month of endings and new beginnings.

So when he ignored my suggestion once more, I called him out on it again, directly. “I don’t think we should stop being “friends” anymore, because this really fucking sucks. If you can’t be honest then this is entirely pointless”. We’ve done this too many times before for me so I know how he reacts when I pull him up on his behaviour – he acts innocently, asking questions instead of addressing what I’m saying, before going silent for hours on end so we can’t even discuss it. He then comes swanning back with a simple, ‘how are you gorgeous?’ acting like everything is okay. He hasn’t responded yet, so that’s where we are right now, the silent stage.

I’m hurting. He’s the only guy I’ve genuinely liked in such a long time, I pushed away the nice ones because of how I felt about him. I really wanted to make this thing work, and I guess, more than mourning the loss of him, I’m mourning the loss of what could have been. I’m sat at work, fighting the tears, waiting for the moment I can let out all the sadness on the way home or even better yet, in the comfort of my own duvet cocoon. I’m convinced he doesn’t care, even after all these months, I’m convinced this is all a game to him. So, when he comes back (and he always does), I am not sure what I’m going to say.

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