Ghosting. Isn’t this phenomenon modern dating at its finest? We’re at the day and age where people don’t have the common decency to say, “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling this any more” and instead disappear into thin air suddenly. With the ability to delete people off social media or block their number, it’s too easy. It’s no wonder that the sudden disappearing act is enough to make the most rational ones of us go a little crazy, and perhaps even send a couple of expletive-filled texts.
It’s happened to me twice now (within the space of a month) and I suppose I didn’t like or know either guy enough to bring out the crazy in me. But my fear of being ghosted again is the exactly reason why I turned into a bit of psycho just a few months ago.
Silenced pity if you’re the one whose text hasn’t been acknowledged in the space of a few hours
My insecurities had started to cloud my judgement after a serious of brutal truths and events took place between M and I. Things were not exclusive between us, but it didn’t make things any easier. I still think about her sometimes. I became obsessive with checking my phone to see if he’d respond, and to see if he was online. I’d overthink the smallest things, and jump to the wrong conclusions without any evidence. In all this overthinking I was making myself miserable in the process. Whoever this person was, it wasn’t me.
I look back to how I was at 17 and to how I was a few months ago. I don’t remember BBM having read receipts or a last seen functionality. I don’t remember friends telling me it was weird if the guy I was seeing took more than 5 hours to reply to me. Was it just my own insecurities that clouded my judgement? Or did modern dating etiquette (or lack thereof) add fuel to the fire of my behaviour? So many people around me are fixated on when they last heard from the person they’re dating/seeing/talking to, we’re greeted with silenced pity if you’re the one whose text hasn’t been acknowledged in the space of a few hours. Being ghosted seems to be the norm, and sometimes dating apps make us feel as if we’re easily replaceable, or an easy place to seek out a quick ego boost if the person we went on six dates with within a week suddenly decides he’s just not that into you.
The woman possessed in me has calmed down a lot now, instead going back to a que sera, sera approach to dating. Because even though dating isn’t all about fancy candlelit dinners and walks under the stars, it should be fun. And when you find yourself turning into someone you know you’re not – for someone to like you, because of your own insecurities or for whatever reason – stop, take a step back, and remember who you are.
Did a dating episode make you go crazy? I’d love to hear your stories!