This is My Becoming

2016.

In between a series of “what the fuck” moments, 2016 has been the year of getting shit done. The small pieces of my life’s puzzle came together to form the start of something big. Years of hard graft have started to pay off, and I think I’m becoming someone I’m proud to be. (Believe me, it hasn’t always been the case). But I’ll always look back on this year as my turning point in so many ways. This is my becoming.

For the first time in my life, I stopped thinking that every man detests what he sees when he looks at me… that not every man sees me as I saw myself. That was a big deal. Sure, the low self-esteem still makes an unwanted appearance every now and again, and I’m no Victoria’s Secret model, but then again, who is? They’re definitely not in the majority. Removing that level of self-loathing is probably my standout achievement of this year, because it contributed so much to my becoming.

I have the skeleton of a novel that I’m working on, with characters and a decent-ish plot I’m rather happy about. I’m not Jane Austen but I am finally getting shit done on a lifelong dream.

Career wise, things have taken quite a turn. My manager – a colleague I genuinely get on with – left. I had to think for myself again, to make decisions on my own logic without a safety net to fall back on, you know, “just to double check”. I knew I would make mistakes, but I had to be accountable for them and learn from them in the workplace. I couldn’t hide behind anyone any more. When I realised I had the capacity to do all of that alone, I knew it was the point where I became confident in my career, and in my own abilities. I’m looking forward to giving out more than I’ve ever done before; learning more, and achieving more.

2016 has felt like the year of opportunity; the opportunity to open doors that I’ve spent years trying to find or access, and it’s here for the taking. That’s how I’d define my becoming – the doors I’m opening, and the opportunities held.

This is my becoming – I’m excited about what’s going to happen next.

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