Being Brave 2.0: Letting Go?

As luck would have it, M is ignoring me. You know, the guy who I said I’m falling for? Yep, just my luck really. He seems to have decided that he doesn’t want to be with me any more, despite all the sweet words and “please call me more” sentences that left his mouth only last week. Silence says a lot, doesn’t it? Sometimes more than words.

I was going to tell him how much I’m falling for him. I was scared of his response, and I was reluctant at first, but my friend pushed me, and told me not to fear the unknown. I’ve also come to believe in saying how I feel before it’s too late. Now it feels too late. Just my luck, really.

I’m confused with his U-turn, his 180 on me. Did I say something wrong? What was it? Why can’t he be a bit more forgiving, when I forgave him so many times? I really don’t get it.

I’ve deleted WhatsApp temporarily. I can’t afford to – emotionally, and at work – keep opening it, seeing his face and wondering why he hasn’t responded to my message. Or wondering why he’s online, but not talking to me. Why did I do wrong? Why has he suddenly got so much contempt for me? That’s what it feels like at least.

I wonder if this is our end. But it doesn’t feel like it will be, if you get me. I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to cope without him. There will be things I want to tell him but I can’t, times when I’ll want to chat with him, but I can’t. Or I’ll see things that remind me of him, and I won’t be able to share them with him. You know, that sort of thing.

When he comes back (and they always do, don’t they?) what am I going to do? Run back so willingly without seeking the answers?

I just want us back to where we were. I’m sorry.

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