So you remember that girl who M slept with back in the middle of last year? The one I found out about over Skype and then I got obsessive with comparing his WhatsApp online activity to her Instagram one? It was her birthday on Friday. I know because my colleague – who is her best friend – told me they were going out for drinks to celebrate.
The whole thing made me feel a bit pants even though I’m almost convinced they don’t talk to each other anymore. Almost anyway. But I also know Facebook notifies you of someone’s birthday so he would have received that notification about her. Did he bother to wish her a happy birthday? Even if he had come back this way on Friday, M would never tell me.
The insecurity of that whole episode came flooding back. Was he with her? Or was I putting two and two together and getting 378? I’m pretty sure it’s the latter since I’m basing my assumptions on absolutely nothing. If I told any of my friends this they’d laugh and tell me off for being an overthinking drama queen. And I suppose they would have a point.
This weekend, M sent me a message that really annoyed me. He’d written to me some 24 hours before but because I was spending time with my friend who I hadn’t seen in five years and because my phone was playing up so the message was left on a single grey tick, and I didn’t read let alone reply to it until the next day. I was pleasant enough, answering his question and asking how his weekend was. He replied: “how come you block me periodically?“
It really hit a nerve. I’d never blocked him on there.
A few days after he told me he had a girlfriend, I made a conscious decision to turn off WiFi and 3G on my phone more often (especially at night time), and to become less attached to it. Because I knew I’d obsessively check when he was online on WhatsApp, and wonder who he was with if he wasn’t online. As silly as it sounds, I needed it for my closure purposes. And there have been a couple of times recently when the message didn’t get delivered straight away because of it. But I had no idea he even noticed … or cared.
But here’s the thing that annoyed me the most. After everything he has done to me, this is the bit that annoys him? The moment that prompts him to message me about it? And this is the guy who said he wouldn’t care if I did to him what he did to me.
So now I’m in the shit for having no internet on my phone from a guy who slept with a colleague’s best friend and then lied about it, and then strung me along whilst he had a girlfriend. Why do I suddenly feel like the bad person in all of this?!
Maybe modern dating brings out the psycho in all of us.