Conclusions

I’m a writer, I like conclusions. Preferably a happy one. The fundamentals of writing a story involve a beginning, a middle, and an end. I know as a reader how infuriating it is when author’s don’t tie up the loose ends or when they leave us on cliffhangers.

But life doesn’t always give us those conclusions. Especially when it comes to dating.

People ghost. They breadcrumb. They come back on Sunday nights when they’re lonely. They have people on the sidelines for those just in case moments. And sometimes they never give the courtesy of a ‘sorry I’m not feeling it with you’ because wouldn’t that be the decent thing to do?

After my outburst last week, M sent me a message saying “we should talk”. We ended up catching up and not really getting deep into the trenches about what we really needed to talk about. We skirted around the issue, I called him a d**k a couple of times, and I mentioned her. He asked me what I was feeling, and I told him I couldn’t tell him whilst she was in the way. He asked me what I’d say if she wasn’t, but my WiFi cut out and my chance was gone. That’s as close to it as we got.

I alluded to the fact he should share more, I told him it’s not really a conversation if he doesn’t bother to reply. And within a couple of days, he was back to his usual tricks.

So now it’s my turn to tell him we need to talk. I’m going to tell him it’s not working, I think he knows that too. Despite my feelings for him, I need to move on. I’m not a just in case kind of girl, and I’m tired of being treated like one. If he wanted to see me, he would. If there was a reason, he’d explain. If he wanted me, I would know.

My friends who know about him call him a creep, an asshole and every other synonym under the sun. I’ve got to start listening to them, haven’t I? I know it won’t be easy to not be swayed by his charm, I know I need to write out everything I want to say, and I know the aftermath won’t be easy. I think that’s why I’m putting it off. But that’s what weekends spent watching Titanic and planning IKEA purchases are for. And when they come back, it’s time to say no.

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