I’ve been struggling with a small bout of writers’ block this week; there have been so many thoughts on my mind that I want to share with you but articulating them has been difficult. The words I scribbled out didn’t flow right or feel good, and as another day went by without publishing a post, I felt that tiny bit more guilty.
Trying to express why I’ve enjoyed this week is tough because there were no pinch me moments, no life-changing events, and seemingly nothing much to write home about. I debated whether you’d even want to hear about it. But this week taught me an important lesson: to be courageous and create the life I want. The precious moments sandwiched in between my daily routine as a result were the cherries on top of an ever-expanding cake.
As Monday morning rolled around, I drove nervously to my new workplace with a head full of those last minute doubts that most of us have. But despite my internal monologue niggling away at me, I was ready to put my heart into something new. Being the new girl can be scary – and believe me, I’ve found it quite daunting this week – but there’s something quite exciting about a blank slate.
Talking of blank slates, it was about time I dropped that dead weight of negativity that everything associated with M came with. It was the free gift that I really didn’t want. In a moment of weakness I sent M a message asking how he was, and as quickly as I sent it, I regretted it. His response only cemented that feeling and somehow his three word response told me something I’d refused to believe previously: he didn’t really care about me.
With newly found courage, I told him what I thought of him. They were the words I had so desperately wanted to say, the ones that my (usually) diplomatic and level-headed nature steered me away from. If he wasn’t going to give me closure, I sure as hell wasn’t going to deny myself of that. I knew I’d feel happier, but I didn’t know I’d feel quite so liberated and free.
That courage pushed me to do other things too, like talking to the new guy on my radar (a little eye candy never hurt anyone). I vowed myself to do it next week, but when the opportunity arose, there really is no time like the present. Riding on this wave of courage I pushed myself into submitting a proposal for a course I want to teach. My younger self would have been too shy to instigate conversation, and too scared I’d be told that my idea wasn’t good enough.
With a course proposal approved and a feel-good conversation with a hottie under my belt, this week has been a reminder that a healthy dose of courage can go a long way. So here’s to being less scared about the unknown, and to pushing the boundaries of our comfort zones. Who’s with me?