So Many Lemons

Let’s begin with a quick TLDR from my previous post: M and I spoke on the phone which was all kinds of wonderful, it then made me realise my feelings for him, so I told him, and well, I haven’t heard from him since.

That’s right, I haven’t heard a single peep from him since I told him how I felt. I don’t think I’m overreacting when I say: what an utter douche. To say I am infuriated is an understatement. I had always expected that I was setting myself up for a fall when I expressed my feelings, his silence hurts me more than a simple and courteous “thank you, but no thank you”. Why are some people such cowards? He’s a 26 year old Cambridge graduate who has yet to grasp basic manners, empathy, or thinking about anyone other than himself. He might be intelligent, but he has a lot to learn.

Kindness is one of the greatest gifts we, as humans, can give to each other, and I won’t let a 26 year old man-child make me bitter or unkind – to myself or others. I won’t apologise for my feelings, or for always being understanding of him even when he couldn’t be to me.

I know it won’t be easy getting over him, it’s an uphill battle from here, but as I type this out, I’m feeling positive. It helps that writing and running are my chosen forms of therapy, that the sun is shining, and my Saturday evening plans include some deliciously unhealthy snacks whilst watching Titanic or some cheesy rom com underneath the comfort of my duvet. So, the house might be a bit of a mess and I might have a ton of life admin to do, but I’m ready to give myself a big dose of love. When life gives you the most rotten lemons, you’ve got to make a bunch of lemonade.

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