I’m not quite ready to dissect the entire episode yet, but I can say that mine and M’s story has come to an end. I doubt I’ll hear from him again, and even though I say that with such a heavy heart (I always wanted more than what we had, and more than what he wanted), I think this is for the best. I spent a lot of the last year in limbo, between calling it quits and wanting to make it work with the first guy I’d liked in a long time. But, there were a lot of tears, and a lot of moments where I doubted myself and him. It brought out a lot of issues I’ve been battling my entire life. It turned me into an ugly person.
It wasn’t happiness. I wasn’t happy.
I realise that now.
So, this is it, the end of a chapter. Like I say, I don’t think I’ll hear from him again, and that’s okay. What’s done is done, and it’s time for us both to be happy. I’d like that a lot, happiness for two, even if we aren’t together. We did get along well, but we weren’t happy together. It didn’t work. I’ll miss him, definitely, but he’s already a part of my past now.
Here’s to creating our own happiness.